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Closing Time…in Geezerville
Written by: Gary Julian
“Hello friends, this is your good neighbor Earl, right here at 95.1, The Best Mix in the Stix. And I hate to tell you this, but its closing time. Forever. We’re gone neighbors. Station owners are taking my microphone and locking the doors. Hipsters have been coming by all day to get left over tee shirts and coffee mugs. Jenny Beth and me have been real sad about it, but that’s life I guess. Speaking of such, here’s Frank Sinatra’s “That’s Life” as performed by The Lost Time Machines.”
And with that song, the air waves of “The Best Mix in the Stix” went silent. Locals drove by to see what they could see, but the building was empty and there was nothing but an old antenna sticking up in the sky like a lonesome piece of history, rusty from time.
Geezerbuddy One and Two were so sad that they refused to turn on their radios. “I hope the Kudzu takes over the whole durn place,” was about all Geezerbuddy One would say about it.
And the Book Nook closed. And the Art Studio closed. A rustic furniture store closed. And, I know you won’t believe this, but…the Friday night all you can eat Catfish Buffet closed. Sometimes Girdie Broadhouse has her daughter drive her over there and they just sit in the parking lot.
What’s a guy to do? Here I am retiring in Atlanta and planning to spend my summer in Geezerville but apparently its closing time.
That’s Ok. I’m gonna go anyway. I’ll get satellite radio, I’ve got furniture, I don’t buy books ( I have a Kindle), I have plenty of artwork, and I don’t eat fish. Maybe I’ll get a cat.
But I’m gonna miss Earl the friendly DJ. Here’s one for you Earl: Jackson Browne and David Lindley, “STAY”
“Well, the station don’t mind
And the union don’t mind
if we take a little time and we leave it all behind
Play… one more song.
Oh, won’t you stay just a little bit longer
Please, please, please say you will…”
Every ending is a new beginning.
Life…is Changing
Written by: Gary Julian
The microwave chirped a reminder that its work was finished; I put down the remote and ambled into the kitchen. I was in a thoughtful mood, thinking of what life is going to be like when I retire in a couple of weeks and have the gift of time all to myself. It’s a little too hard to imagine, so I let the thought pass; but I know life is changing.
I removed the popcorn and headed back to the couch. What an evening of TV I had lined up: The Braves playing at home, the Hawks in Chicago, and a new reality show debuting on the Golf Channel. Life is good. While waiting for the games to begin, I channel surfed to HBO and there, just coming on, was the HBO Special: Lady Gaga in concert at Madison Square Garden.
Really? I’ll just watch a little, while the games get warmed up. Just a song, because I’ve never actually heard her. Maybe 5 minutes. And…a half hour later my popcorn gone, I’m still watching Lady Gaga. No problem, this is an experiment in contemporary culture. It won’t last long. An hour later, STILL watching Lady Gaga, it dawns on me that the baseball game and the basketball game have begun without me. The golf channel is ready to begin their new show. I’ll get there. Just one more song…
I remind myself that no one will ever know this happened if I don’t tell them. Me…watching Lady Gaga in concert and ignoring sports. A voice suddenly enters my head: “Gary, Say it isn’t so.”
It is so.
I loved it. I loved Lady Gaga. I watched the whole concert. 90 Gaga minutes. That woman is oozing with talent. She has the voice of an angel and the energy of the devil. She has it all. If Elton John could actually be a woman, he would be Lady Gaga.
Whew…life really is changing. I’m kind of nervous now. I hope this is not a trend. I plan to hit golf balls tonight at the driving range, come home and turn on sports. Any sports. And watch the whole thing. Because change… can be scary.
And to top off this strangeness, today, I joined AARP. Lady Gaga and AARP in back to back days.
Oh my.
(bloggers note: next week, the last blog; “Closing Time…in Geezerville.” Please join me!)
The New Guy…at the GSCPA
Written by: Gary Julian
The New Guy is here. The guy that will be me. Or is already me.
The New Guy is Boyd Search. He’s the new CEO of the GSCPA, and he’s in the process of relocating himself and his family from Ohio to Atlanta. You may not know, but I’m also from the Midwest (Indiana). Funny thing about the Midwest: Most folks don’t know they’re free to leave. Most of them reside there for life as if restricted by state border checkpoints imagined to be armed and hostile, similar to the Mid East. They happily go about their lives not caring much about anywhere else and only occasionally stop to wonder, “Why would anyone want to live somewhere else? It’s perfect here.” And of course, if one loves where they are then it is indeed perfect.
But on occasion, a few of us do venture forth to begin new lives in new places. When we explain to family and friends that we’re going somewhere else to live, the predictable question arises: “Why?” And although we diligently explain new jobs, or new businesses, or off to college or just want to be somewhere else, they don’t understand. They nod as if they do, but they don’t. No matter the reason for the move, most of the friends and family believe that something very bad must have happened and the Witness Protection Program is taking yet another person from the Midwest.
I’m going to visit my family in Indiana over Memorial Day, and folks will ask me: “Where have you been?” I’ve been gone from Indiana as a resident for decades but only a few of my family admit that I actually live somewhere else.
That’s life in a witness protection program I guess. Enjoy it Boyd Search!
(Blogger’s Note: I have two more blogs to write before retirement and I hope my Geezerville readers will stay with me for those two!)
The Royal Pain….of the Royal Wedding
Written by: Gary Julian
Here’s my thought: just elope. Las Vegas. The Queen will maybe give you a down payment for a house, if you’ll just do it. Run away. Get married at the Elvis Chapel. Please. Hurry. Stop this Royal Pain.
The media over-hypes everything these days; so much so that whatever the event, however much fun it might be, the media talks it to death. Even my favorite event in the entire world: The Masters. There is so much TALK about the tournament in the weeks leading up to it, that by the time the first ball is struck, I’m sick of the Masters and have basically stopped paying attention. And the Super Bowl? I think that most of us will agree that it has become so over exposed, that the game itself is boring.
So, with the Royal Wedding, it hasn’t been days or weeks, it has been months of focus; and each week the media intensifies. Can the wedding possibly live up to the blinding light of the media? No way.
I just hope this doesn’t affect the marriage itself, because they seem like nice young folks. What if, after the wedding, the media goes about their business and the Royal couple are left saying, “Harrumph; I say, Princess Kate my Darling, where do you suppose everyone went?” “Well, Prince Darling, I don’t rightly know; I thought we were loved. Surely this doesn’t mean we’re going to live like…like COMMONERS?” Prince William quickly responds: “Oh no my Dear Princess Kate, I’ll speak to the Queen and make sure there are some of those ghastly camera fellows on hand to take our picture when we go out. I think she can arrange it for us.” ‘Righto, My Darling Prince…I knew I could count on you.” “ I say Kate, shall we go riding? I think there are still some of those boorish American TV people around.” “Of course Darling William, let’s do. Just let me go and change into the riding outfit I had designed. “ “Righto Darling Kate, Tallyho. “
And well…outside…waiting…was Oprah. Waiting on a golden throne larger than the Queen’s herself. And she summoned the young couple to her side and ask the probing question: “Prince William and Kate, do you two ever tire of having your lives so publicly examined? “ The Prince replies that no, they rather enjoy it. And Kate returns the question to Oprah; Oprah replies, “No, I love the attention. And for this interview, I’m going to give every person nearby a new car.” “Righto, Jolly Good Oprah,” replies Prince William. “We’re off now. Riding you know.” And the ghastly camera fellows followed.
An orphanage…in Geezerville
Written by: Gary Julian
This message arrived this morning in my inbox:
Hi, I’m Mary Leong and a Malaysian. I am admitted in a cancer hospital in
my home country and I have been diagnosed of stage 3 of esophageal cancer
so I have less than three months to live. I am undergoing my chemotherapy
at the moment. My husband died 5 years ago and we had no child. I was
born an orphan. The doctors and nurses here are too busy for what I am
proposing which left me with this one choice that found you. I want a
friend who will take over all I have and use 70% of it to start up an
orphanage home that will cater for orphans as well as donate to the
research of cancers in children. The 30% left will be for all your
troubles in helping me. Most of my properties have been sold and its
overall worth is approximately 3.5 million in american dollars. I will
tell you more if you express your willingness to take up my offer. I wait
to hear from you. (phone number here).
Wow. What an extraordinary offer. Now I can start that orphanage I’ve always dreamed of in Geezerville, make charitable donations, and still have around a million dollars left over just for me. It’s a simple twist of fate that this poor Malaysian lady found me, as her one choice, while she lays suffering on her death bed. I’m going to get right on this.
That’s called a “Nigerian 419” scam; and if I responded it would be called greed. Not to mention stupid. These scams take many story forms but they’re all the same. We know the outcome: one contacts them, they scam one into putting money up front in the form of draft protection, bribes, administrative fees and they capture sensitive personal data (SS number, bank account numbers, etc.)
The real question here is WHO FALLS FOR THESE SCAMS? I understand that way back in the 1970’s or even 1980’s that one could fall prey. But now? After so many years of so many scams? It just doesn’t seem possible that anyone would still be duped by these pathetic stories.
But one thing for certain: if this scam was no longer working the bad guys would not be doing it. Read the rest of this entry »
